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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283877">Hymn of the Hanged Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBrokenBoy/pseuds/MyBrokenBoy'>MyBrokenBoy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Grinning Man - Philips &amp; Teitler/Grose &amp; Morris &amp; Philips &amp; Teitler/Grose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drama, Fluff, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:14:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBrokenBoy/pseuds/MyBrokenBoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A story which explores what really happened That Night. I am determined to finish this fic!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi all. Welcome to this fic. I am the king of fluff so that is what I'll be writing about mostly, I guess. I wrote this story during some days/nights of terrible insomnia. Enjoy my misery!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Through the smoke and blaze of the fires a young man could be made out; his face struck with panic and anger. A woman followed him at his heels, her face carrying the exact same expression.</p><p>“No, you have to be on that ship!’ the man exclaimed, “this is our last chance. You go ahead, I will catch up with you as soon as I’m finished packing. There is still some time left. The fire has not reached our house yet.”</p><p>“But Ursus, there <em>is </em>no time! We have to leave <em>now,</em>” the woman argued.</p><p>“No we can’t! You are carrying a child, we need supplies. Leaving without will surely kill you on the journey.”</p><p>He handed her an extra coat and a pouch of money and repeated: “You go ahead. I’ll finish up here and will join you in the harbour.” The money was almost all they had saved in the past nine months. It was supposed to be spent for a journey across the sea, but only after his wife had given birth to their child. He’d rather not risk such a long and uncertain journey while she was pregnant but now... now they had no other choice.</p><p>“But what if the ship leaves without you?” She asked, concerned. She clasped his arm. “I’m not leaving without you.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be there on time. Get yourself to safety before it’s too late!” He cupped her cheeks with his hands, then kissed her one last time.</p><p>He was hurrying towards the cart carrying supplies that would be needed for their long journey. The village was dead quiet. He wanted to watch his wife as she hurried down the cobbled path. It was two miles to the harbour, and he hoped they still would be on time. His wife was eight months pregnant with their first child and it bereft her of most of her energy. But he couldn’t let her wait, every minute was crucial. Their old horse wasn’t as swift as she used to be and it would take some time to reach the harbour. Their house had been spared but the place was dangerous and deserted. He was packing as much essential supplies he could find before making his way to the ship. His cart, which he mainly used for work, would become their home until they were able to settle in a new home in a new world. When they had reached the ship all would be well.</p>
<hr/><p>The woman was walking as fast as her legs would carry her, but her huge belly made it impossible to keep up the fast pace she was forcing herself. She was panting and stopped for a moment near the entrance of the forest to catch her breath. Their village was empty, hollow, she had passed no one on the way. Several houses had burned down completely. People she knew had fled from the place. From where she stood on the hill she could see the harbour and ship already, she was getting closer.  It would be one long steep road downhill from here. She could do this. Besides, her husband could be here any minute now. She was sure he was nearly finished packing up. Oh for God’s sake! Why didn’t he listen to her! But he could be so stubborn sometimes, believing he was doing the right thing when in fact he was only making things worse. She sighed. She could’ve continued to argue with him there and then but it would have been to no avail.</p><p>The cold wind sent chills down her spine and she knew it was time to continue her adventure. Yet as she was about to pick up her pace she was met with a terrible pain in her abdomen. She cried out and her hands grasped her belly. No, no, no, not now. Of all moments not now, she said to herself. She had experienced this before, she knew what was happening. But it was too early and she feared for the life of her unborn child. This was exactly what had happened the previous time, although now she was nearing the end of her pregnancy. But why today? Why this moment? It should’ve started half an hour ago. She’d be safe back then. At least, safer than she was now. Had faith really picked such an unfortunate timing for her to go into labour?</p><p>She steadied her breath. She had to turn back and find her husband, he’d know what to do, he’d be able to help her. But when she turned around her heart sank. The village seemed endlessly far and the aches were growing worse. He still wasn’t here. What was taking him so long? Did he take a different route? Perhaps he was already in the harbour. She looked about her, but there was no one else, she was alone. The aches were coming in waves now, as wild as the waves in the sea in the harbour. The wind was cutting her frozen ears.</p><p>The forest, she thought in a flash, I have to find shelter.</p><p>She stumbled forward, every step heavier than the last one. The snow which covered the earth with a white sheet crunched under her feet. She kept walking, it can’t have been more than hundred metres, until she just couldn’t bear it anymore and collapsed in the snow. She began to weep. She knew she’d have to carry through, there was no going back. She was alone, but this was not her first labour. Her previous miscarriage had taught her to listen to her body. She panted, she could do this. She had also helped her sister, twice, she reminded herself, she could do this.</p><p>Though she lay in the snow she felt her body was ablaze. The grey and dark clouds above her head seemed to pass by endlessly, changing in colour and shape. She felt no pain anymore. The sun was setting. It was almost over. She knew it. Her body collapsed as soon as she heard the cries of the baby. Surely the cold snow was not a very welcoming introduction to this cruel world.</p><p>With her last strength she sat up and collected the baby in her arms. It was a beautiful girl! The woman used her coat to clean the child, then ripped a large piece from her underskirts to wrap the child in. It was only then she began to notice the ungodly cold creeping into her bones. She pressed the child close to her heart, fed it with all the tenderness of a new mother. At this moment there was nothing more she wanted to do than carry the child back to her husband and place their child in his arms. How he had been impatient to become a father! How they had tried for months on end, for years, without success. How her first miscarriage had devastated them. But not this time. In a few moments she would sit up. Then she would stand. Then she would find him! She did not know where, she wasn’t even sure what time of day it was, the sun was already setting in a rapid pace, but she would find him. <em>Their child would find him</em>. But every time she wanted to get up she found she couldn’t, her heavy limbs were not responding. She’d give herself a minute, then try again, but to no avail. Panic came over her like a wave of  anxiety. She was freezing! If she didn’t get up now all would be lost! Yet she couldn’t do it, her body couldn’t do it. She was too weak.</p><p>But her husband would find her, she thought. He’ll see I’m not in the harbour, he’ll come looking for me. She looked up at the grey sky that was stretching endlessly above her head. Snow was falling around her, and she felt snow in her eyelashes when she blinked. He’ll be here, he’ll carry me and our child home like a hero. He’s strong. He’ll be here, she reassured herself. Her cloudy breaths were becoming smaller and smaller. And how happy he’ll be, how<em> happy</em> he’ll be...</p>
<hr/><p>The only thing Ursus could think of while packing the cart was their future. That ship was their last hope for a brighter tomorrow. They had saved money for years. And just when they were about to leave this world of misery this damned rebellion started. They wanted to wait till their child was born. He was afraid that the stress of the journey might have influence on his wife and unborn child’s health. He didn’t want to risk another miscarriage. He cursed himself, he had to hurry. He took the old horse from the stable and put her before the cart. “One more day,” he said to the horse and patted her between the manes. “Mojo come, boy. It’s time to go.”</p><p>It wasn’t far to the harbour. When he reached the beginning of the forest he stopped when he heard a startling cry, but couldn’t place where exactly it came from. In the distance he could make out figures near the gallows in the field. He loathed those gallows. They were the thorn in the side of the village.</p><p>Among the black figures there was one which struck him as particularly small. It was a child! and he jumped off the cart and hurried to the field. As he approached he saw that the show that was playing before his eyes was even darker than he could have imagined. A woman lay in the snow, was she dead or merely unconscious? A jester, no doubt working for the king, and the hanged man, lightly swaying in the wind, which he presumed was a rebel. But the boy… and the scythe! This couldn’t be right. No child deserves to die. The jester held the boy down with a foot in the small of his back. The boy was trying to get away but all oxygen was pressed from his lungs.</p><p>“What’s going on here?” Ursus interrupted.</p><p>“It’s for his own good. Stop struggling boy it’ll only hurt more,” the jester didn’t even pay attention to the interruption. “This is a gift I’m giving you,” he continued, “I’m cutting you a new life of freedom... far away. The scythe is sharp. It will be quick and clean.”</p><p>It was then Ursus understood what was going to happen.</p><p>“No! No you’ll kill him!” Ursus’ blood boiled. In the second the jester was taken aback the boy had scrambled to his feet, and Ursus pulled the boy behind him in a protective manner, and the child hid behind the coat of the stranger. What did the boy do to deserve this?</p><p>“It’s just a little cut! Hold him down!”</p><p>“He’s a <em>child</em>!” Ursus spat back.</p><p>“He’s a traitor to the crown!”</p><p>The crown? That meant privileges could be given. Ursus knew he was running out of time. He knew soon the ship would set sail... without him!</p><p>“You work for the king?”</p><p>The jester replied, agitated, “what do you want?”</p><p>“Safe passage aboard that ship.”</p><p>The man holding the scythe eyed him up and down cautiously. “Very well,” he agreed, “but no interference or the deal is off.”</p><p>Behind his back Ursus felt the boy struggle hard to be released from his grasp. Ursus knew that what he was going to do was going to hunt him for the rest of his life. <em>But he had to be on that ship!</em></p><p>But could he do it? In those seconds he could hardly think; his mind was clouded by fatigue, fear, and desperation. But when he felt his grip loosen on the boy’s wrist he knew he had to make a decision. He turned around and grasped the child, who was now helplessly floundering his limbs in the air as if drowning, by the lapels of his coat. He looked straight into the desperate pleading eyes of the boy, but Ursus felt ice cold inside.</p><p>“I’m sorry boy, I got to get to that ship. My wife is on board, with her unborn child!” He was nearly crying now. Why was apologising to the child who was clinging to his coat <em>with his life</em>? He knew this was the right decision. He knew he had to get to his family. The tears stung in his eyes.</p><p>“We don’t need your life story, old man. If you want to see your family again...”</p><p>Yes, Ursus’ mind was made up. He was determined to be reunited with his wife. He lifted the struggling child up and threw him in front of the scythe. Before the boy even knew what was happening his arms where painfully pinned to his back by the stranger. “God forgive me boy! They need me!”</p><p>The boy was now struggling, his neck and head straining backwards to avoid the scythe, eyes wide in horror, but he was tightly held in place by Ursus. “It’ll heal, eh? All wounds heal!”</p><p>Ursus looked away with his eyes shut tight as the jester grated the face over the scythe. The sound of the ripping flesh was unbearable. They boy couldn’t even scream. Before Ursus had even let go of the child he already regretted his decision. His moral compass was lost. Was this the man who would become a father in mere weeks?</p><p>He let go of the child with a gasp. “What have I done?” He muttered to himself as he saw the blood drip from the boy’s dumbstruck face. The angle made him unable to see the real damage. He backed away. Never again could he look his wife in the eyes without thinking of this boy. His family was cursed. His life was over.</p><p>He fled the scene.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he ran back to the cart the tears fell from his eyes. This couldn’t be true, this wasn’t happening. He covered his eyes with his trembling hands and tried to calm himself down. Why am I such a fool! He shouted and kicked the wheel of the cart in a fit of rage, causing one of the spokes to break. No, no, not today! Of all days! I have to find my wife. The fragile wheel reminded him of her. I have to get to that ship! But he couldn’t, not before the wheel was mended. He growled in anger, his breath fast clouds in the air. His heart was throbbing, his benumbed hands bleeding as he forcefully and carelessly changed the wheel. Mojo was barking, but Ursus ignored the wolf.</p>
<p>When finished he hurried the cart down the path. Just before he arrived at the docks however, he could see from a distance that he was already too late. The ship had just left the harbour and a crowd had gathered on the docks. Ursus felt his heart sink, surely he would die on the spot right now. He wished it to be so. But did she board the ship? He eyed the crowd, trying to find the bright red hair that he loved so much, but he couldn’t see her in the crowd. The wind blew viciously around his cold face. If she had boarded the ship, all was well. She would write him when she would arrive at her destination and he would take the first ship that would sail. He nodded contently to himself. All would be well. She was clever and knew how to protect herself. All he had to do now was wait; wait for her letter that would be addressed to the harbour. The harbour master would save it for him. He merely need check daily. He opened the door of the cart. It was a mess disastrous inside; he had stacked everything in there as quickly as possible, but he had time now. He sighed and rubbed his face with his hand, only now noticing he was bleeding. She would write him soon.</p>
<p>But what if she hadn’t made it? What if she was not on the ship and not in the crowd? His heart raced again. Surely he would have seen her if he had passed her? He began to sweat. Did she take another road? It was impossible! What if anything had happened to her? He had to search for her, but the sun was setting, it would be pitch black outside in an hour or so. No, she would’ve found him by now. She was clever. It was impossible she was still in Bristol. She had to be on that ship. He looked out of the small window and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the dark clouds had gathered… above the ship! The first struck of thunder was deafening. He screamed, this could not be happening! He went outside, hoping his eyes had deceived him, and now the snow blew in his face.</p>
<p>“Mojo get inside,” he ordered the wolf, but he himself remained where he was, as if tied to the spot, watching the ship sail into the heart of the terrible storm. He fell to his knees hopelessly when the lightning struck and the flames caught the sails. “No,” it was barely a mutter. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. This was a dream... a nightmare... a hallucination. The hull cracked, and the merciless waves eagerly bit into the wreck, dragging her underwater in an almost strangely soothing manner. Before Ursus could even process what was happening the ship had vanished before his eyes. Something poked him in his side, he looked down and saw it was Mojo pulling him back into reality. He put his arm around the wolf’s neck. “Let’s get inside,” he said to the animal, his voice cracked halfway through the sentence, “there’s nothing to see here anymore.”</p><hr/>
<p>He brewed it, now the only thing that was left to do was to take it. He held the little bottle in the dim light. It could kill him, he knew. In theory the combination of the ingredients should be correct, but one miscalculation would make the medicine fatal, paralyzing its victim until it died of starvation, a slow and painful death. Yet what did he have to lose? He closed his eyes and took the medicine in one shot.</p>
<p>Did he feel different? Not really? But what had he expected, to turn into a wholly different person? To split personalities? There was a heat coming from within him and he laughed. No, this will do just fine. He patted the wolf who was staring at him curiously. “No need to worry Mojo, we’ll be just fine. Tomorrow we’ll leave this rotten place and travel through the country, just you and me... as it has always been.”</p>
<p>The wolf howled.</p><hr/>
<p>Ursus woke up with a start. It was pitch black in the cart. He wanted to stand up but was knocked down by a terrible headache. How long had he been asleep? What time was it? He gasped, my wife! I have to find her! He groaned, he didn’t have a wife, he remembered now. But who then was the woman he saw in his mind. Surely that’s my wife! But where is she? It can’t be... she must have been here with me. The little furniture that was in the cart was turning in front him. Since when did he have a chair and table in his cart? And why all the stacked supplies? A crib? The tricks his mind were playing on him exhausted him and when he lit the little lamp in the cart he was knocked over by a surge of memories that returned to him all at once.</p>
<p>He panted, his eyes wide. These were illusions, he thought sinking back into the chair. This can’t have happened... These cannot be <em>my</em> memories! Maybe the potion had split his personalities after all. If he was responsible for the deeds that flashed before his eyes...</p>
<p>Then he wished himself dead.</p><hr/>
<p>How long he had sat there he had no idea and neither did he care. In those hours he barely noticed the world was still turning, that minutes were still passing. All hope was gone. He had lost his dignity, he had lost the love of his life, he had lost his future. Never would he know how it felt to hold a child in his arms. Never would he know the joys and miseries of fatherhood. Never would he be the proud parent. He would remain alone, searching the world for something it could never again offer him. His life was shattered. What was he to do? Just then, he heard Mojo’s paws scratch the door of the van. The sound startled him. He grabbed the lamp and ran outside.</p>
<p>“What is it Mojo? What have you found?” But stopped dead in his tracks when he saw <em>that boy. That damned boy!</em> It made him aware that he was in fact not dreaming, but very much alive. The gash was there, but it was hidden by bandages. What filthy game was Providence playing with him? He demanded to know, but it would forever remain a mystery to him. He had to get rid of this boy as soon as possible. “He can’t stay,” Ursus said to the wolf but the reply was low growling and a cold and wet nose that jerked into his arm with brute force, nearly knocking him over. “Well maybe... just for tonight then,” Ursus gave in with a glare.</p>
<p>“Y-y-you!” the child gasped and fright made him fall back in the snow, clutching the baby in his arms and trying to shield her from the man that loomed over them.</p>
<p>“Please,” Ursus began, gesturing to the boy to calm down, “listen to me. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”</p>
<p>He noticed the boy was too weak to stand back up and kneeled down to pick him up, but the boy yelled in protest and with the last of his strength tried to get away from his mutilator.</p>
<p>“You will surely die if you remain in the snow out here!” Ursus snapped, then added in a more gentler tone, “let me help you...please.”</p>
<p>Before the boy could even protest he had already been scooped up. There was no protest, the boy was afraid that he would hurt the baby if he did so. Ursus was shocked by the cold and small body he had picked up, as if he was holding a block of ice in his arms. He hurried back inside, he didn’t have much time left or the boy would be dead, closed the door behind him and placed the child on the chair.</p>
<p>“Let me get the fire started.” Only after the cold outside had hit him in the face had his senses become aware of the cold inside the van. The fire was a weak excuse for distraction from his disgrace that was glooming behind him like a shadow. It was dead silent in the cart, apart from the ragged breath of the child and the crackling of the fresh fire in the stove. The boy sat there, petrified of the man who was in front of him, and exhausted from the endless slogging through the snow. He wanted to run away but couldn’t; his fingers were frozen and his legs weary. He recognised the man as the helper of the clown yet he was too numb to react accordingly. Suddenly he felt dizzy, and a groan escaped his lips as he swayed on the chair, the world turning in front of his eyes. Ursus caught him just in time.</p>
<p>“Steady lad. Who’s this?” He asked, taking the bleak baby from the boy’s arms. “Your sister? Whoever she is, she is not long for this world. But... I may have something to revive her.” Without the bundle in his arms the boy fell to his knees. What was happening to him?! His cheeks were burning! As were his hands and feet. The pain, out of the blue, became almost unbearable. He moaned in agony, but Ursus didn’t notice at first, he was too fixated on saving the baby in his arms. Perhaps this will even my earlier deeds, he thought, perhaps there is hope for this child. He sighed in relief when the baby began to cry. Yet when he looked back at the boy he saw he was swaying again, on his knees nevertheless. He placed the baby next to Mojo, the wolf would keep her warm for now, and returned his attention to the boy.</p>
<p>“It’s lucky Mojo found you in the snow. Otherwise you’d both be dead.” The boy moaned in pain. He wept, he cried, and Ursus watched helplessly. This misery the boy was in was the result of his actions. He knelt next to the boy, placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder to steady him, but the boy wouldn’t have it. “No, don’t touch me!” Grinpayne growled and tried to get out of the grasp of his mutilator.</p>
<p>“I won’t hurt you, I promise.” Ursus soothed him, “I’m not the man you think I am. I have something for the pain.” He took out the vial of Crimson Lethe.</p>
<p>“Here, drink this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t trust you,” the boy protested.</p>
<p>“Drink it!” Ursus forced the child, a struggle he’d rather not have. Ursus was by far superior and the child too weak to put up a fight. Yet as soon as the boy had tasted even a drop of the medicine his grasp turned soft.</p>
<p>“How’s that?” Ursus saw the boy’s eyes turn in its sockets as the medicine started to drug the mind. It wouldn’t be long and that boy would remember nothing of the night.</p>
<p>“What’s your name, boy?”</p>
<p>“Grin...grinpayne,” the boy whispered, “I...I saw my mother drown...in the waves... saw a dead man talk... found an angel in the snow...”</p>
<p>The boy started ailing again, his speech unintelligible, stood and wanted to escape in a irrational wave of protest. Ursus took hold of Grinpayne's small hands, still cold from the journey, and gave him more Crimson Lethe. Once again Grinpayne lost his balance, and once again Ursus caught the boy but this time lifted the child in his arms, the body had completely gone numb. If Ursus didn’t hold him behind the head Grinpayne would have fallen out of his arms. Grinpayne’s breathing was ragged and in fast short breaths, as if he had been running for miles. His body had finally broken, he was unable to even lift a finger.</p>
<p>“F-father?” he panted. The boy was delirious. Ursus didn't understand how the child was still awake. </p>
<p>“Sleep, child. It’s been quite a night. Tomorrow the world will be a much brighter place.”</p>
<p>But he wished he could say that to himself as well. He wrapped Grinpayne in a blanket and let Mojo take care of the boy as well. Then he rushed outside and wept uncontrollably in the snow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How subtle was the Jekyll &amp; Hyde reference?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Grinpayne groaned when he opened his eyes. Where was he? What had happened? He couldn’t remember anything! Then the pain in his face struck him like a bolt of thunder and he clutched his cheeks. What was this? Bandages?! He began to panic. Why couldn’t he remember?! He pondered as hard as he could but his mind was one black universe. It hurt his brain, and the overwhelming pain caused him to start crying. Grinpayne hid head in his hands in agony. He didn’t recognize the place he woke up in either. It was wobbling as if it was moving. Was it... was it a... cart? And there was the awful exploding noise of metal that was banging against each other? Who was doing that? He could barely see through the pain. He had been asleep on what appeared to be a rug on a chest, a blanket covered him. He saw suitcases and many chests, all stacked together in a corner. What for? There were many shelves filled with small silver jars, labelled according to its containments, but Grinpayne was unable to make out what was in them, nor was he able to read the labels on the containers. It was this that was making the awful noise, he realised. Why was he here? Was he kidnapped and drugged? Soft light shone through the drawn curtains of the little window in the door. Grinpayne sat up, but as he did so a terrible pain shot through his arms. His muscles were aching from last night’s endeavour. The pain shot through his legs as well when his unsteady feet tried to take him to the window. The moving of the cart didn’t make this any easier. He moaned, and nearly fell against the door, but was able to catch himself, a painful cry escaped his lips as he did so. With his hand he lifted the curtains to see a bright white world which was moving. Or rather… he was. He let go of the curtains with a cry and covered his eyes. The light was blinding him! His little body was still weary, his muscles ached, but he knew he had to carry through. But what had caused this pain he was feeling all over his body? He felt hot. Surely he was kidnapped. He tried to open the door and found it was unlocked. Had his kidnappers forgotten to lock it? It was his luck. He was about to leap off the cart, but then he heard a high-pitched noise behind him. It was human. It was a baby. He turned around, then noticed there was a cradle in the cart. He approached it and as he leaned over he saw the source that was creating this cacophony... a baby girl. She was awake. He didn’t recognize her, but surely he would have recognised those snow-white eyes. Then the baby began to cry again, and Grinpayne covered his ears to drown out the terrible wailing. It hurt his head even more and made him aware of every ache in his body once more. Then the cart came to a halt, and soon after the door, of which Grinpayne had just been staring through its window, was opened. Grinpayne sank to the ground, scared his kidnappers would find and beat him and hurt him even further. He fought back tears of pain in fear his kidnapper may hear him. But Grinpayne’s jaw dropped when he saw the man step inside. He remembered now! He remembered this man! It was his father! How could he have forgotten his father?! The boy gaped at Ursus dumbstruck, still on the ground, and his small hands still covering his ears. Ursus approached the boy, patted him on his back and then took the wailing child from her crib. “Good morning Grinpayne, or should I say, good afternoon. You were sleeping like a log,” Ursus spoke as he looked from the baby to the boy, and the boy looked at the baby and then back at Ursus, “but that’s no surprise considering the journey you’ve made last night.”<br/>
Grinpayne didn’t understand what was going on. Tears welled up in his eyes, and this time he couldn’t hold them back anymore. “Father!” He cried out and hugged Ursus’ waist. The reaction surprised Ursus, and while holding the baby in one arm, ruffled the boy through his curly hair with his other hand and put his arm around the boy’s shoulder to pull him to him in a protective manner. “What’s the matter, boy?”<br/>
Grinpayne sobbed, “I-I can’t remember... anything! What happened to me? My face? How can I not remember?”<br/>
“Mmmmh,” Ursus replied, contemplating how to tell the child, but the crying child in his arms, competing for attention, disturbed his weary mind. He had not slept at all that night.<br/>
“I’ll feed your sister, and when she’s quiet, I’ll try to explain to you what happened, is that alright?”<br/>
The boy nodded into Ursus’ leg, clutching the waistcoat with both arms. Ursus freed himself of Grinpayne’s grasp and proceeded to feed the baby. It surprised him she was already hungry again, he had fed her only an hour ago, just before they left.<br/>
As he sat down with the baby in his arms he told the grinning boy to take the other chair. His hunger for answers defeated his feelings of pain in this moment.<br/>
“It is difficult to say why you cannot remember anything,” Ursus began, “the mind works in mysterious ways, Grinpayne. Sometimes, when we’ve gone through something that is so terrible, our mind chooses to forget it. Because it’s better for us, do you understand?”<br/>
The boy nodded; he didn’t understand at all.<br/>
“Now, your memories may return to you on its own,” Ursus continued, “but it will take time and patience. And it won’t be a pleasant experience. And maybe they won’t return at all.”<br/>
“Father, do you know who did this to me? What happened to me?” Grinpayne pointed to his face.<br/>
“I-I don’t know, child. I found you yesterday, ailing about your drowned mother, about a dead man, about this child you found in the snow. You two were frozen to the bone. You barely survived.”<br/>
Grinpayne was quiet, processing what he was told. He remembered his mother, he thought. He remembered he made a promise to her. But he couldn’t remember anything else. Not at all. His mind was blank.<br/>
“So you’re not my father then?”<br/>
“No lad, but you and your sister can stay with me. I’ll look after you two.” With the back of his free hand Ursus gently stroke Grinpayne’s bandaged cheek and the boy flung his arms around his new father’s neck, crying once again. Crying for the family he had lost but could not remember. Were they really lost then, if could not even remember them? He pondered over these questions for some time, not really knowing the answers, his exhausted mind not even comprehending which was the question and which the answer. He was pulled from his fragmented thoughts when he felt Ursus’ hand on his back and he asked Grinpayne to let go of him. Grinpayne stared at the baby, who had by then nodded off in a peaceful sleep again.<br/>
“What’s her name?”<br/>
“I named her Dea. It’s a gift from the Gods that she’s still alive after being exposed to the frost for so long.” Ursus didn’t mention that it was also the name he and his wife had chosen for their child if it had been a girl, he couldn’t bear the reality that his wife was gone. Ursus put Dea back into the cradle, and returned his attention to Grinpayne.<br/>
“Now, Grinpayne, I think what we should do first is change your shirt. Look at it, it’s stained in blood, God knows how that happened.”<br/>
And Grinpayne’s eyes turned big when he stared down at his shirt and noticed the blood himself. He cried out loud. He was bleeding! He was going to die! He groaned in fear and agony as he tried to rip the shirt from his body. He couldn’t stand to look at it.<br/>
“Stop it, boy. Nothing to worry about.” Ursus caught the boy’s hands in his own and their eyes met for a brief moment.<br/>
“Calm down, Grinpayne. Why are you scared?”<br/>
And the boy began to sob, again.<br/>
“I’m going to die!” He exclaimed, and Ursus chuckled, rubbing the boy’s arm in a soothing manner.<br/>
“Surely not, Grinpayne. Look at me, if you survived yesterday in the freezing storm you will survive today as well. You are safe now.”<br/>
“But my whole body hurts!”<br/>
“I know, I know. You’ve had to endure a lot yesterday. But it’ll heal. Trust me.”<br/>
He helped the boy out of his shirt, and gave the child one of his own. Yet when he looked at the shirtless torso he knew this was no ordinary boy. He was well-fed, unlike most of the children of the villages he visited. This had been a healthy boy, and now that he looked closer at the fabric of the shirt he held in his hands he realised it was expensive and the cuffs were embroidered with what appeared to be silk. Then all the pieces of the puzzle came together in his head all at once. The hanged man, a traitor to the crown, the shirt... this boy came from a royal family and was most likely... a lord! If this was true, then it was a good thing Grinpayne couldn’t remember anything anymore. It was dangerous and surely would have him killed if the truth ever came out. At the same time, it became clear to Ursus that his real name was most likely related to the word Grinpayne, but the boy couldn’t remember it anymore. But why did that jester not execute the entire family? Why did he let the mother and the boy go... in such a perverse and vicious way?<br/>
“I’m freezing!” The voice chimed beneath him, and it stirred him from his thoughts. Grinpayne was shuddering from cold, his arms clasped around each other trying to keep warm.<br/>
“I’m sorry, lad, I was just... thinking.”<br/>
“About what?”<br/>
Ursus handed him the shirt, which became more of a dress when Grinpayne pulled it over his head. “Nothing important.”<br/>
Grinpayne giggled as he stared down and saw the shirt reached his knees, but the giggle turned into a moan of pain and he clasped his cheeks in his hands.<br/>
“Does the wound hurt, Grinpayne?”<br/>
The bandages nodded.<br/>
“Take this then,” Ursus urged Grinpayne as he handed the Crimson Lethe, and the child drank without hesitation. The pain eased almost instantly.<br/>
“What is this?” Grinpayne asked the young man.<br/>
“It’s something I brewed, Grinpayne,” Ursus began, “I’m a chemist, you see?”<br/>
Grinpayne’s gaze travelled to the many, with little jars filled, shelves in the cart that had once again awoken his curiosity.<br/>
“I used this cart for my work, but then we had to flee the city, and now we will live in here till we have found a new home.”<br/>
Though Grinpayne didn’t know that the ‘we’ Ursus mentioned was in fact not the ‘we’ Grinpayne thought he meant. He simply processed ‘we’ as his new family: his father, sister, and him. Mojo would only be added to this family after Grinpayne was reintroduced to the wolf. </p>
<hr/><p>Life was difficult in those first two weeks. Ursus barely slept. Both Grinpayne and Dea fell severely ill from that night in the frost. Ursus kept watch over them during the night. He didn’t mind, it took his mind off of his missing wife, his unborn child... of the gap in his heart and his life. He cradled Dea in his arms for whole nights, occasionally dozing off himself, but she would make sure to wake him up again and again. Grinpayne suffered from terrible chills in his sleep. No matter how much blankets Ursus gave the child, he remained frozen. On top of that, the boy had dreadful nightmares about That Night. Ursus had allowed Mojo in the cart during the night to keep Grinpayne company, and sleeping next to the giant wolf seemed to soothe the boy a little. During the day, Ursus tried to make as much money as his fatigued body let him. It was barely enough to keep them alive. In all honesty, Ursus believed the children wouldn’t make it. Grinpayne wasn’t able to stand on his own feet; Dea was so hot Ursus believed he would burn himself whenever he touched her. He couldn’t leave them along for hours either. Yet he didn’t give up on these children. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t take another death after his family was ripped from him. He would nurse these children through their illness. He had sworn it. But as time passed Grinpayne’s injury seemed to worsen. Ursus had asked many times to mend his boy’s face, but much to his dismay  Grinpayne wouldn’t let him see the wounds under no circumstance. The boy was consumed by conflicting feelings; he wanted to trust the man that was taking care of him and was so kind to him, his father, but something inside him told him he couldn’t and shouldn’t. And though the boy couldn’t remember that Ursus was in fact the person to inflict the gash on the boy’s face, Grinpayne was still strangely suspicious of Ursus. Yet every day, the pain in his body grew worse, and even Crimson Lethe became inept to kill the pain. Ursus knew he could just pin the boy down using his brute strength and treat the infected wounds but found he couldn’t do it. He needed the boy’s trust. Yet after three days, Ursus grew restless. Grinpayne was terribly ill by now. Fever consumed his whole little body and the boy barely ate, every movement of the jaw felt like a cut of a knife. Moreover, the bandages gave off the most vicious odour. The young man was at loss of what to do. This boy needed help... now!<br/>
“Let me have a look at your face, child. You’re running high with fever.”<br/>
“No!” Grinpayne exclaimed as he turned his head away when Ursus reached out, “it hurts too much.”<br/>
“Grinpayne, show me your face,” Ursus repeated impatiently, “if I don’t handle your infections now it might kill you. You know I won’t hurt you. Have I hurt you in the past few days?”<br/>
“Yes, yes you have,” the boy chimed rudely, unsure why exactly.<br/>
“Intentionally?” Ursus added as he lifted the child up under his armpits. But Grinpayne struggled and kicked his limbs around him violently. 
“Let me go!”<br/>
“Grinpayne, don’t do this. You’re too weak to put up a fight.”<br/>
Ursus repositioned his grip on Grinpayne. He now held the boy from behind in a tight embrace, his strong arms wrapped around Grinpayne’s arms in an attempt to prevent Grinpayne’s fighting. The boy panicked, and as a result struggled even harder, kicked his feet against anything he could hit, tried to break free from his aggressor’s grasp, but was not strong enough. He screamed at the top of his lungs. The tension on the muscles in his jaws and the screaming caused the wounds in his face to rip open once again.<br/>
“For Christ’s sake, child!”<br/>
Ursus held the boy, he had to, only slightly loosening his grip when the child was calming down to allow him to catch his breath after the fight. Tears were streaming down the child’s face, and after a while, a second round began. Ursus braces himself, and once again tightened his grip. It broke his heart but he had to. “Grinpayne stop this!” The boy kicked him in the shins but he ignored it. All the while, he tried to calm the boy, speaking softly to him, comforting him. Maybe it was the fever that made Grinpayne in this bizarre way. Ursus felt the heat radiating from the poor child as he held him. In the end, Grinpayne lost. All energy drained from his feverish body. He couldn’t even cry anymore. Ursus rocked the child silently, before he put the ailing child down on the chair and held him in place at the shoulder and with his other arm took the wooden stool to sit on in front of the boy. Grinpayne was twisting his head to the side in a final attempt to stop the man that was in front of him, but Ursus paid no attention to this gesture and proceeded to undo his newly adopted son’s bandages. Neither of them had seen the cut after Ursus had helped carve it into the boy’s face and he was anxious of what he was about to see. Maybe that was the reason he had waited for so long. The bandages were smudged with blood, and as a result the wounds had become infected, inflicting pain not even Crimson Lethe could soothe anymore. Grinpayne groaned softly when the bandages stuck to his face were carefully tucked painfully. The boy could barely hold his chin up. “Hold still,” Ursus repeated in a whisper when Grinpayne, as in a reflex, abruptly drew his face away from the young man.<br/>
“But it hurts!” Grinpayne cried, tears welling up in his eyes.<br/>
“Don’t cry, my boy. The salt will only aggravate the pain. Here,” he placed Grinpayne’s small hands on his upper arm, “squeeze me as hard as you can when the pain gets too much. If I am hurting you, you can hurt me, deal?”<br/>
Grinpayne nodded. Ursus barely felt the child’s tightening grasp on his arms as he removed the last of the bandages, where blisters were cutting painfully into the sides and gums of Grinpayne’s mouth. The boy winced.<br/>
“There we go,” Ursus muttered softly and then he took a gander at the child, and, facing him, was shocked by the appalling state of the wounds. He fought back tears. Had he truly inflicted this on the boy? Was this even possible? Why in heaven’s name had he ever agreed to the deal with that cursed jester? This was not the little cut the molester had talked about. This was not Ursus’ work. This was the work of a man who loved to mutilate and torture its victims. This was the work of a madman! Damn that fool! And him! He took in a deep breath as he studied the fresh wounds. Dried blood stuck to the red jagged flesh that was glistening in the light. The exposed teeth laughed at him, mocked him, the upper lip completely cut away, yet the incisions had not stopped bleeding since the first day. Ursus, with his hand placed under Grinpayne’s chin, slowly made the boy turn his head to assess the damage on the sides, first left than right. The right side seemed to be in a worse state than the left side. Grinpayne’s weary eyes followed him cautiously. The laceration in the cheeks was open, yet, thank God Ursus thought, had not completely torn the cheeks apart, and luckily, most of the muscles were still intact. But the visible soft tissue had become infected and as a result Grinpayne’s cheeks were burning red and swollen.<br/>
The face didn’t horrify Ursus, the only thing that horrified him was his own naivety. How did he ever think he could be granted passage aboard that ship? What kind of immoral deal had he been offered? And then Ursus realized this infliction could never heal again, mentally nor physically. It might, had it been stitched earlier, but it was too late for that. The boy was cursed to carry this trauma with him for the rest of his life. If Ursus had known this was the status quo he would have taken matters into his hands days ago. He knew this needed to be treated quickly and could fathom the pain the boy was in.<br/>
He looked at the medical supplies laid out on the table. He first cleansed the wound, making sure all dirt and dried blood was gone. Then he took the clean cloth, wrapped the fabric around his fingers and dipped it into the alcohol. “Alright lad, this might hurt. Are you ready?”<br/>
Grinpayne looked into the eyes of his foster father, and steadied the grip on his strong arms, then nodded.<br/>
The boy winced every time Ursus even slightly touched his skin, his brows furrowed in a painful expression and clenched his teeth painfully to swallow his groans.<br/>
“Almost done,” Ursus said, and then with his clean hand wiped away the tears that were falling down Grinpayne’s face.<br/>
“Now, I have something else to soothe that burning feeling you keep talking about.”<br/>
Grinpayne tensed up once more in anticipation of immense pain, but gasped in surprise when Ursus’ fingers carefully touched the skin above the wounds and it did not hurt. In fact, the exact opposite held true. Grinpayne let out a relieved sigh and relaxed one more.<br/>
“Feeling better, huh?” Ursus smiled when the boy nodded.<br/>
“There. The infections will heal soon enough hopefully. This is all I can do for now.”<br/>
He bandaged the face again. “And now we are going to renew the bandages every single day from now on, alright? No more protesting, there is no need for that.”<br/>
He stood to proceed to clear the supplies and dirty old rags but Grinpayne held him back by tugging at his sleeve and then pointed to his own face. “Can I see?”<br/>
“Not now, my boy. You need rest.”<br/>
“But I want to see what my face looks like.”<br/>
Ursus sighed. “You can, but not now. The infection makes it looks much worse than it really is. Maybe by the end of the week.”<br/>
Grinpayne wanted to protest but once again a feeling of dizziness came over him.<br/>
“Here, let me help you. You are going to lie down for now, before the fever kills you. You already wasted too much energy today.”<br/>
Ursus steadied the boy and then lifted him up to put him to bed. Grinpayne’s head was slumped against his father’s shoulder, his whole body almost paralyzed. Though it was only midday, the boy was obviously in need of rest. Ursus wrapped a cold, moist towel around Grinpayne’s burning head when he was safely in bed and the child responded with another relieved sigh.<br/>
“Where’s Mojo?” Grinpayne asked softly, a distressed look on his face as he was looking about him to find the wolf. Ursus called his companion, and Mojo seemed to understand what was being asked of him. The wolf hurried to Grinpayne and lay down next to the sickly boy. Grinpayne let out a faint giggle and hugged his new friend. Soon the boy slept peacefully for the first time in days.</p>
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